A new world

I'm all on my own
In a place that is strange
All the rules I once knew
Have suddenly changed

There are all these expectations
Things they want me to be
All these things they say I should do
But i never know which ones in truth

I was told to give a gift
But when the time came
They kept saying no
As a formality they say

I never know when i should stand
Or when I should sit
And all the bowing
I can't get the hang of it

And these weird little sticks
They drive me insane
If I keep depending on them
I may starve in exchange

The cars come so suddenly
There is nowhere to walk
I just wish that near my house
There was a side walk

And when the bus comes
They just push me aside
One thing this culture hasn't heard of
Is obviously a line

And one thing i can't get used to
Is all of the stares
All I keep hearing is
"Look at the foreigner over there"

I didn't want to talk of cabs
But now I'm on a rant
Stop hitting on me
I'm really tired of it

And a shout out for my friend
If you all don't know
Stop asking if she's Russian
Here that means a hoe

And if they say your glamorous
Don't be quick to smile
He's not looking at your eyes
He's looking down

But there are many things
You still don't know
It isn't all bad
At least I don't think so

Here there is always a helping hand
When one is in need
They tell me how things work
Even the simply things

And that gift I gave
It did not cost much
But the appreciation they showed
My heart was touched

Though I may not know when to bow
They always go that extra mile
And often accept
A knowing nodding smile

And I've had a revelation
About these little sticks
They are quite useful
I've got the hang of it

And there are no sidewalks
This is very true
But it makes it so there is more room
For places you can go to

And when getting on the bus
They may push their way through
But if I'm asleep at my stop
They'll give me a little shove too

And they may say foreigner as I walk by
But it is out of curiosity
And they take the time
To see how I'm doing in this new country

And when I get cabs
They often try to talk
I've had drivers teach me helpful words
Like right, left and stop

And they may ask if she's Russian
But they won't push the topic
Usually they are pretty kind
And apologize when they stop it

Glamorous I may be
And yes some guys stare
But most guys are really respectful
And keep their eyes away from there

In all honestly
I like my new home
Its definitely not the same
But that's what I'm here for

The places are really interesting
The people are really kind
I can even walk down the street
Without a worry late at night

I'm not saying its perfect
It has its flaws
But in the end it isn't a bad place to be
I like it overall

My scars

Life has many faults that the human eyes perceive
Things don't work the way we believe
We constantly stumble
Sometimes we fall
Then we recover only to fail

We try to escape it
No one wants to stumble, fall,or fail
We look at our choices
Life gave two
We either get some bruises
Or we can simply stand still

But I don't want to just stand
I want to walk, run and fly through the sky
Even if I fail and my fall makes me die
At least I know that I fell from a great height
I stumbled from the top
I earned every bruise
And I'll wear them with pride

Cause when we fall we learn to stand
When we stumble we learn to balance
When we fail we learn to succeed
I wish to continue to stumble, fall and fail
Until I achieve these skills
And use them to fly away to the life my eyes perceive

Buzzed

I used to think with my mind
I never fell in love
All those feeling people spoke of
Sounded like being buzzed

I didn't want to change
I liked how I thought
I never felt trapped
I never felt lost

Then I met a stranger
I could no longer think
All my rules changed
No longer applying to me

All of a sudden I was blind
Blinded from my thoughts
Distracted by my heart
Trapped in my fault

I was buzzed

Dark Hearts

I felt its presence as it slithered near

But I was blinded

Too afraid to admit fear

I approached it as a friend

And showed a brave face

But I knew what was coming before the first taste

I could say I was tricked

I can scream deceit

But in the end the only trickster was me

For my own sanity I was dishonest with myself

It blatantly showed its ferocity 

Even as I knelt 

The fangs pressed against skin

It gave quickly to my new friend

Then the venom began to drip within

It moved far but took no time

Straight to the heart 

A heart that was once mine

I felt it turn from red to black

Between spasms it withered

Leaving large gaps

Once so strong 

It could now easily crumble

Suddenly I felt weak and humble

As I ran from my new fate

I decided to hide my heart

To keep it hidden in a dark place

Protecting it from all

As those who have felt the venom must

Just to keep it from crumbling into dust

70

She pulled a cake from the fridge

It said happy birthday to the husband she loved

She placed it onto the table admiring her handy work

He liked the color red and the flavor of vanilla

She went to a drawer and found the perfect candles

The thin stripped candles that were red all over

Slowly she opened the pack

And sat at the table across from an empty chair 

Placing each candle precisely

A slow task it was to place thirty candles

Her hands shook uncontrollable 

She noted this was common for old age

She then lit the candles one by one

She sat and stared, never averting her gaze

The candles began to melt

As they melted, they waited

For the wind that would never come to blow them out

They melted into puddles

The puddles covered the cake

Every inch of vanilla frosting covered in a deep red

Covered until the red words could no longer be seen

Finally the candles went out

Smothered by their own wax

The wax hardening across the icing

She wondered who would light the candles when she was gone

Who would remember his name 

Who would remember what he loved

Thirty years had gone by 

Since the day people began to forget who he was

And she knew that one day soon he would be lost to history

Honesty

For a minute I will sit down,

And in this minute I will be honest with you

I choose to forget those who have caused me pain

"Why" you ask

Because it's easier to forget a person

You remove everything that reminds you of them

Extract every person you knew in common

Every picture discarded

All contact information removed

However, true pain is hard to forget

True pain is caused not by a childish act

But pain caused by a feeling of betrayal 

A feeling that cannot be left behind so easily

It is simply easier to forget the person

In the amnesic state they become irrelevant

And in their irrelevance they loss power over your emotions

Once they are irrelevant their actions become irrelevant

As you forget them you forget everything

Then one day you wake up

You no longer know their name

Then you no longer know that you once knew their name

The only thing left is a dull lifeless pain that is a shadow of what they caused

In this you truly forget not just them but their actions